Here is one of my "all-time" favorites = "The Arena"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory or defeat."
Teddy Roosevelt
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
Here is another one of my favorites: The New York Yankee's were in St. Louis one year to play the Cardinals in the World Series, and a group of the players got together to go to dinner. One of the guys suggested that they go to a certain Italian food restaurant. One of the other players said that he wasn't interested in "that" place. The guy who suggested the restaurant asked why not? And the guy said, "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded." "That" guy was : YOGI BERRA.
QUESTION? Why do we wash "bath towels" ? Aren't we clean when we use them? (Author unknown.) DEFINITION of: What is a teenager? "God's punishment for enjoying sex." (stated by several parents.) AND, another one of my favorites....... "There was never a horse that couldn't be rode......... and........ There was never a cowboy that couldn't be throwed." (By, an: Old Farmer - year: unknown). Here is a good one........ "Life is like a roll of toilet paper........ The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes." (Author unknown.)
Here is another good one......... "Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them." Golfer Jimmy Demerit - 1955
Another one from an Old Farmer....... "If you find yourself in a hole, stop diggin." COMMON SENSE.....................
"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon,
One must resist the urge to look up." (Confucious?) POLITICS.............. "It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." (Ronald Reagan). DETERMINATION....... "All I really wanted to do was to make two lanes play the same." John Davis REGARDING TAKING RISKS: "Don't ever be afraid to go out on a limb
because THAT is where the fruit is." Doyle Brunson "LUCK" "Luck favors those who are well prepared." (Here's a couple of old favorites). A). "Don't sweat the small stuff." B). "What goes around, comes around." (Could never figure this one out). Why do they call it: "The Department of Interior",
when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
CRITICISM............... Before you criticize someone, you
should walk a mile in their shoes............. That way, when you criticize them, you're
a mile away..........and you have their shoes !! :-) A chicken crossing the road, is:
"Poultry in Motion." From a disgruntled husband......... "I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury!" Another Golf "GEM"....... GOLF IS A GAME IN WHICH THE SLOWEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
ARE THOSE IN FRONT OF YOU...............................
AND THE FASTEST ONES ARE THOSE THAT ARE BEHIND YOU.
PHILOSOPHY....... "Nature has given us two ears, two eyes and but one tongue -
to the end that we should hear and see - more than we speak/" SOCRATES MORE PHILOSOPHY.......... "I find it amazing that ALL of the news in the world
everyday, can fit in one newspaper." JERRY SEINFELD "I started with nothing........
And I still have most of it." "Kids in the back seat cause problems.........
Accidents in the back seat cause kids." "Some days you are the dog.......
Some days you are the hydrant."
(Author Unknown.) WISDOM
"A wise man can learn more from a foolish question
than a fool can learn from a wise answer." BRUCE LEE "If at first you don't succeed.......
skydiving is NOT for you!"
"QUOTE".
This is another one of my all-time favorites. This is from Jimmy Valvano, the former basketball coach from North Carolina State.
He was dying from cancer and made a speech on National TV about how "precious" TIME was.
He said, "Everyday you should do three things: You should laugh. You should think. You should cry. If you do all three of those, then "THAT" is a FULL DAY," PUNS....... On a maternity room door: Sign says; 'Push. Push. Push.' On a Taxidermist's door, it says; 'We really know our stuff.' Outside a Muffler Shop: 'No appointment needed, we heard you coming.' In a Veterinarian's waiting room: 'Be back in 5-minutes. SIT ! STAY !' At a Protologist's door: 'To expedite your visit, please back in.' On a Plumbers truck: 'We repair what your husband fixed.' At a Chicago Radiator Shop: 'Best place in town to take a leak.' ~ "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."~ ALBERT EINSTEIN ~"Failing to prepare = Preparing to fail."~ ~"The best thing about the future, is that it starts tomorrow."~ ~"If you DON'T read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you DO read the newspaper you are misinformed."~
-Mark Twain
~"A Hot Dog at a baseball game is better than a filet mignon at The Ritz."~ Just think......the people who gave us golf, are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called that: music. Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to? Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? A RETIREE'S THOUGHT......... My wife said: "What are you going to do today?" I said: "Nothing." She said: "You did nothing yesterday." I said: "I wasn't finished!!!" DID YOU KNOW THAT.........
"Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh".
~"I WORK HARD BECAUSE MILLIONS ON WELFARE DEPEND ON ME"~ ~"It's NOT how OFTEN you hit the pocket.......it's HOW you hit the pocket."~
(PBA Hall of Famer.....Don Johnson). Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
~"Don't ever kiss a fool.....and don't ever be fooled by a kiss."~ ~"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"~ There are 2 theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Why is the third hand on a watch called a "second" hand? "If you think that nobody cares if you're alive......... see what happens when you don't file your income taxes." ~"Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?"~ So what have we learned in two millennia?
"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."
---- Cicero - 55 BC
......Evidently, we have learned nothing.
The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?"
Sigmund Freud
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
Aristotle
~"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
Like: Norman Einstein."~
.....Joe Theisman - Former NFL Quarterback. ~"Corduroy Pillows are making headlines!!!"~ ~"The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have."~ LAWS Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin
to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Law of Variation: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
~"THE HURRIER I GO, THE BEHINDER I GET"~ BUMPER STICKER OF THE YEAR:
~" If you can read this, thank a teacher......and since it's in english, THANK A SOLDIER."~ ~"Acupuncture is a jab well done."~ ~"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have."~ Thomas Jefferson
DEFINITION: Deja' Moo: "That's when you get the feeling that you've heard that bull before." NEVER, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative before going to sleep. ~"The best things in life......are NOT things."~ The mind is like a parachute....... It doesn't work unless it's open. |